


Why Don't Women Have Body Hair?

by Cinomari



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Body Hair, Growing up is hard and no one understands, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), being a teenager is confusing, first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 16:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20585723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinomari/pseuds/Cinomari
Summary: Jade Harley has another realization of why she's different from most people- though this time it's slightly unfounded. With a little help from Rose, she can figure out why capitalism created pink razors.This is my first fanfiction in many many years you're welcome.





	Why Don't Women Have Body Hair?

It’s always hard to admit you’re different. Growing up on an island in the middle of the pacific ocean was no deterrent to how different Jade Harley felt at times. It started with regular things, like when John spoke about school or Rose spoke about seasons changing, but little by little it morphed and mangled itself, consuming itself in an all righteous fire. Bec couldn’t help, of course, as great of a dog as he was! He was still a dog. Not a person. No matter how much Jade pretended, he would never be a person. 

It all came to a head when Jade was surfing the web one day and came across yet another video of women in swimsuits. She clicked away, found another video of women wearing shorts. Tank tops. Any clothing that showed any limbs. She looked down at her own body and sighed, picking at the small hairs sprouting out of the pores. No other women had them! And, try as she might, she couldn’t find any instance of a woman with them in any of her tv shows or movies either. 

There was only one thing to do. Speaking to Rose with something like this could be… A bit of a challenge, truth be told. Jade logged onto her pesterchum and clicked the violet name, tentacleTherapist, and sighed. She loved Rose, she really did! But most days, it seemed Rose just wanted to know WHY she was asking a question instead of just answering the question. But it wasn’t like she could go to John with this, and Dave would just make fun of her.

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

GG: hey rose!! :)  
GG: listen before you go all psychotherapist on me 

TT: A tall order, but you may proceed. 

GG: goddammit!  
GG: just listen!  
GG: this is a complex issue that requires your full attention and none of your asshattery  
GG: capiche??

TT: Capiche. Puoi procedere a tuo rischio e pericolo.

GG: UGH!  
GG: nevermind ill figure it out myself!!

TT: Wait, Jade, don’t. I’m just pulling your leg.  
TT: Yanking your chain.  
TT: I was, perhaps, tittling your winks. 

GG: why do girls not have leg hair?

TT: … Pardon? 

GG: see! youll just fuck with me! 

TT: No, I won’t, I apologize for my incredulity. I just worry your question was asked in jest or with dubious undertones. I can’t hear you over a computer. 

GG: its not :(  
GG: this is stupid 

TT: It’s not stupid at all, should I chose to engage in your tale that you live on an island in the middle of fuck all nowhere.  
TT: In fact, I’m surprised that it took you this long to ask.  
TT: How sweet. You come to me in your time of need. 

GG: enough with the garbage movie references!  
GG: do you have leg hair?  
GG: i mean.  
GG: dont take that as rude :( 

TT: It’s not rude.  
TT: I understand. I was perplexed by it as well, albeit on a much smaller scale. 

GG: you were?  
GG: so you have leg hair? 

TT: Yes. All women do. Well, approximately 99% of all women have leg hair.  
TT: They just shave it off. 

GG: what the hell?  
GG: why???

TT: One of life’s eternal questions.  
TT: By which I mean, razor companies decided they were losing half the population, so they created the narrative that it was “gross” for women to have hair on their legs. Then arms. Then stomach. Then feet. Then anywhere else other than their eyebrows and head. 

GG: that sounds  
GG: really fucking dumb!! 

TT: Indeed. 

GG: do you shave? everything? 

TT: My, what a forward question of you miss.  
TT: My cheeks burn with the red hot fires of tantalization.  
TT: And my face is rather hot as well. 

GG: heehee :3

TT: I shave my legs, yes, as well as my arms. My hair tends to grow in very thick and dark, so it takes a very long time. It’s quite the ordeal. 

GG: so…….  
GG: why bother? If its just to make some razor company money? 

There was a long pause on the other end of the chat. The icon that Rose was typing went up and went away several times, and Jade almost worried that she’d crossed some invisible line and hurt her feelings somehow, though she couldn’t quite figure out how she would have managed to do that! Just as she was about to close the browser and apologize later, Rose responded. 

TT: That is a great fucking question.  
TT: Perhaps I’ll stop. 

GG: :)  
GG: i gotta run!!  
GG: but thanks.  
GG: <3


End file.
